Hey Girl, Your Dreams Just Got Crushed

Well, maybe.

Every news source with a twitter handle is reporting that Eva Mendes is having Ryan Gosling’s child. We all knew this day would come and call me old fashioned, but I thought I would have a wedding to mourn over first. Nope. Just straight to “we’re having a baby who will have the prettiest eyes ever and we’ll all live happily ever after looking gorgeous.” All the single ladies (including Rachel McAdams), don’t lose heart. There are still plenty of eligible bachelors out there to swoon over. Ahem:

Bradley Cooper

Leonardo DiCaprio

Prince Harry

Drake

John Stamos

That one guy in Divergent 

Sam Hunt

XOXO,

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Simplify Your Closet, Simplify Your Life

01cb193ee343fedf3da0551933a7cd89Sure, Spring is when the cleaning happens but Summer is definitely when the simplifying should happen. It’s hot out. When you’re not at work you’re outside, vacationing, planning your next vacation or taking up a new sport (ask me about my recently acquired tennis skills!) What you don’t want to be doing is spending forever sorting through all the articles of clothing and shoes and random belts/scarves thrown everywhere in your closet! Honestly this morning I found two shirts I cannot ever remember wearing and one that I am 98% sure hasn’t been worn since college. In an effort to simplify this summer, I am vowing to start by simplifying my closet!

Here are some questions I will ask myself in a stern tone when going through the keep/toss process:

When was the last time I wore this?

Do I feel like it’s flattering? Or so comfortable that I don’t even care if it’s flattering? 

Does this reflect my personal style?

Can I dress this up & down? 

Did I wear this on a major date with THAT Ex? 

Does this make me look like a high school student?

Does this make me look like my grandmother? 

Is this a statement piece that I absolutely cannot imagine parting with? 

Bottom line: If I don’t love it, I’m tossing it, and by tossing it I mean selling it for $2 at a yard sale and/or donating to Goodwill. My goal is to get rid of the excess and simplify – starting with my closet. Who’s with me?

XOXO,

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4th To-Do List

CINDY

Sleep In – No work means more Z’s

Brunch – Because I clearly won’t be up for breakfast, nor will my friends

Walk around/Shop – Is there anything more American?

Hot Chicken Festival in East Nashville – I’m 100% in it for the promise of Retro Snow

Pool – Yes, I need more freckles

Nap – Why not?

Make a peach cobbler – Because I’m not a huge apple pie fan and this is always a crowd pleaser

Fireworks – I may or may not start singing a medley of Katy Perry and Lee Greenwood classics with sparklers in hand

What are your plans for the 4th? Whatever you choose to do be safe, have fun and in the words of my mother, make good choices. ‘MERICA.

XOXO,

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Lessons Learned From Mindy Kaling

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Ladies and gentlemen, let’s all take a moment to send Kelly Kapoor some birthday love! Happy 30-something birthday, girl! Keep on keeping on and proving that women can very well be smart, sexy, HYSTERICAL approachable and yes, successful. I’ve learned so much from Mindy – where do I even start?

Don’t take yourself too seriously 

Whether she’s making a fool of herself as herself on The Mindy Project or via her amazing Twitter  mini-rants with her bff BJ Novack, she never takes herself too seriously and that’s highly refreshing. I love that despite everything that solidifies her celebrity status and borderline Oprah-ness she can still laugh at herself/be completely accessible.

Write an honest book and you’ll hit the Times list

If you haven’t read Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me (and Other Concerns) stop reading this subpar post and immediately read Kaling’s masterpiece. I belly laughed through all 240 pages and refer back to many a quote on the daily. Case in point:

“Sometimes you just have to put on lip gloss and pretend to be psyched.”

“You should know I disagree with a lot of traditional advice. For instance, they say the best revenge is living well. I say it’s acid in the face—who will love them now?”

“Listen, my body is attracted to your body but when you speak it makes my brain angry.”

Wear color

The woman is not afraid to throw on a crazy print with a magenta heel and own the fact that she looks like a fruit rollup. I love it. Thanks, Mindy for inspiring us all to stop wearing black on black a la NYC and venture into the California rainbow.

Work hard, Play Hard

She went from being a minor character on The Office to being one of the head writers on the show + more face time as Kelly to bestselling author to writer/producer/lead actress of her own show which I adore. With all that + speaking at ivy league commencements + media tours she has to be EXHAUSTED, right? Apparently not as much as normal humans because how is she celebrating her birthday?  In Vegas with her favorites and that makes her my favorite.

LOVE YOUR BODY

Yes, that needed to be screamed. I will not go on and on with a rant about how the media screams at women all day long to be waif-thin BUT I do love that Mindy owns her figure and is all the more beautiful for it. She’s not afraid to take chances with her wardrobe and she’s not afraid to eat a cheeseburger after the gym. She’s a REAL WOMAN and this girl who always eats way too much Mexican after yoga can relate.

Mindy, be my best friend.

XOXO,

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Bonnaroo 2014: What You Missed

 tumblr_m5mdusdvSK1qhsmllo1_1280I did it! I managed to survive another Bonnaroo, thanks to LOTS of water, good friends, veteran booties, mini-fan/mister and far too many pistachios/assorted trail mixes. Now that I’ve regained (most of) the ability to hear, I’m processing all the ridiculousness of the four days on the farm. Oh and let’s be clear: we did not camp. We’re far too smart for such shenanigans. We left the “riff raff” every night and went back to a sweet little cabin complete with a screened-in porch and yes, a hot tub in the living room with view of the flat screen. You’re welcome. The promise of a hot shower and good sleep in a real bed is all that kept me sane amongst 100,000 smelly, sweaty people for 8-10 hours. So whether you’re considering attending next year or you’re just here for the laughs – who isn’t? – here are some highlights from Bonnaroo 2014. In no particular order and yes, I am partial. Deal.

Jack White, Saturday Night Show, Main Stage

It’s no secret I have a slight obsession with this guy and every project he touches, but there is no denying his ability to put on a phenomenal show. Maybe it was because we were backstage or maybe it was because there were upwards of 100,000 people who didn’t move for 3+ hours, but this is one of the best shows I’ve seen. Period. I had my nerd-alert ear plugs in and still couldn’t hear for a solid 24 hours after. It was one of those “yes that really happened and I was lucky enough to have a front row seat” nights. Well played, Mr. White.

Kanye’s Rants That Kept Him From Actually Performing Which Led To Much Boo-ing 

Exhibit A: “If you’re a fan of me you’re a fan of your _____ self. They try to make me look CRAZY.  I don’t see the people in the press performing for 90,000 people. They can’t even perform for they CHILD.”

Exhibit B: “In all honesty this may not come off as humble but I’m not concerned about anybody who’s actually living. When I talk about Walt Disney (pause), Henry Ford (longer pause), Shakespeare (pause)…they all had they time on earth. I’m only 37 and I’m rocking for 90,000 people RIGHT NOW. So I’m not going after anybody on the radio, I’m going after Walt Disney.”

Exhibit C: “Somebody once told me if you have 100,000 people jump at the same time you can feel the EARF move so JUMP!”

Amish Donuts – Hot and Ready and Amazing 

Those Amish really know what they’re doing and let me tell you, there is nothing sweeter (pun the pardon) than a massive, hot donut handed to you by an Amish brother after a long day of listening to music.

Valerie June 

She’s one of my favorites, and not just because I adore her entire family. We go way back. The girl killed it and looked fabulous in 90 degree heat, singing tunes from her album + old church hymns that made my heart happy.

First Aid Kit

Two sisters from Stockholm with great hair and even better harmonies put on quite the show. They just released a new album – Stay Gold - and I highly suggest you give it a listen on your next road trip.

People Watching That Trumps Anything You’ve Ever Experienced, Trust 

Everywhere I turned there was man tank covered in cats, Biggie Smalls, an assortment of Aztec prints or my personal favorite, “Skys Out Thighs Out.” There was a guy who wore an actual TV, a girl with a Kanye backpack, lots of guys dressed up as random superheroes and WAY too many girls who seemed to have thought a top made solely from neon orange duck tape was a good idea.

I love you, Bonnaroo but you can’t compete with a show at the Ryman with a trip to Jeni’s after.

XOXO,

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B’s Guide To Staying Entertained (and Awake) On Your Next Road Trip

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I’m a huge fan of jumping on a plane and getting there faster – America! – but there’s something to be said for packing up and driving across a few states to embrace the good ole’ road trip. I’ve always been an easy traveler – according to my mother I would sleep in the car, in my stroller, wherever they took me. Now as a semi-adult, I usually find myself sleeping once I’ve been in the car past the 30 minute mark (not much has changed) unless I have all the necessities to keep me awake, alert and of course, entertained. So without further adieu, here is everything you need for your next road trip:

Comfty clothes

Ladies, I’m talking yoga pants or a sundress with shoes that come off the second you’re in the vehicle. Guys, anything but yoga pants but maybe not jeans. The last thing you want is to be stuck in the seated position in scratchy denim for 5+ hours.

Snacks on snacks on snacks

There’s something about a bag of cheese chex-mix and a Dr. Pepper that makes me want to drive forever ever or okay, until we arrive at the desired destination. Also, sour gummy worms/octopus are also a must-have. (TRUST)

Good playlist

The radio is terrible, yes? Yes. Get on that Spotify and make a killer playlist full of everything from Kayne to Kacey with a little Coldplay thrown in there. Bonus points if you add The Lonely Island into rotation. Make sure you have plenty to sing/rap to, and more to serve as background music while you’re talking about anything and everything.

Pit stops

Take in the local culture. Buy that cheesy neon shirt from the shady gas station just because it’s ridiculous and awesome and you want to. Use a lot of hand sanitizer no matter how “decent” the bathroom appears, and do a yoga pose or four before hopping back in your seat.

Fun travel companion

Whether you’re traveling with your best girlfriend(s), new boyfriend, adorable pup or your brother via phone – experiencing it all with someone you enjoy spending time with is KEY. You know it’s love when you still want to look at each other after 11+ hours in the car.

Story time

You don’t have to get super heavy “what is the meaning of life” while driving through the middle of nowhere but sharing is caring, people! Open up and get to talking. Humor optional but highly recommended.

What did I miss? Feel free to add and if you find yourself driving through Arkansas in the pouring rain at 1am and start to fall asleep, roll down your window for 3-5 minutes. It works.

XOXO,

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7 Highly Attractive Qualities That Are Highly Underrated

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Messy Hair

Messy hair, don’t care, right? There’s just something about the bedhead look that makes my heart skip a couple beats and above all it screams “I didn’t spend 10 minutes styling my hair because I’m a man.”

Willingness To Watch What You Love

Find a man who will watch back to back episodes of House Hunters with you without complaints and you’ll be in good shape.

Eagerness To Teach You New Tricks

A decent golf swing, the ability to whistle…these are party tricks I need help mastering, and it’s all the more fun when you’re attracted to the teacher.

Carefree Sense of Humor

Being funny without trying is a beautiful thing – never underestimate the power of making a woman laugh.

Being Even-Tempered

Getting annoyed and frustrated is normal, but no one likes a psychotic rage monster. Calm ladies and gentleman who don’t react to obstacles by punching walls or losing their marbles have a good hold on their temper and are unlikely to lash out irrationally.

Resourcefulness

He can cook, sew a button, and MacGyver everything from a dysfunctional key fob to the drippy faucet. It’s nice to be with someone who is solution-focused and not quick to whine/give up.

Not Afraid To Share the Sweet

I don’t want to date a Hallmark card, but I do appreciate an honest, well-timed display of affection. Who doesn’t melt when told how beautiful and funny and adored they are?

XOXO,

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Girl Crush: Mindy Kaling + Harvard Law

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Mindy Kaling addressed the 2014 graduates of Harvard Law yesterday and I must admit, not since Elle Woods have I been more interested in Harvard Law. Thanks to Al Gore creating the Internet, we can all enjoy the speech without having to be a graduate or sneak our way into the commencement! The American Dream!

Kaling called them nerds, made fun of Obama (he says he went to Harvard Law), pretended to accept an honorary law degree, said the phrase “iTunes may own my ovaries” and threw out a spoiler or two for the next season of The Mindy Project. All in all, it’s wonderful so please pause for a few minutes, grab some chocolate and laugh with my girl.

XOXO,

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Nerd Alert: An App To Track Your Love Life?

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Leave it to Glamour to educate me on the latest part of life to track on the ole’ smart phone! Sure, I like to be aware of patterns so I can make note of what’s working and what’s not, and thanks to all the  recent apps it’s a whole lot easier to pretend to have pristine self discipline. I can get on board with tracking calories and sleep (or lack there of) but I’m not sure I can get on board with The Boyfriend Log. Yes, that is its actual name and yes, it does exactly what you think: monitors your day to day feelings for your bf.

According to Glamour, it goes like this:

Each day, you answer the question “How was your relationship today?” with a color-coded response that indicates if you’re feeling sad, happy, romantic, angry, or otherwise. Then, when you look back at the history of a month, you can see what the predominant emotion was.

Hmm. Call me old fashioned, but I much prefer scribbling in a journal the good, bad and funny of dating rather than tracking emotional patterns with colors a la first grade. Also, if you’re happy in said relationship is it really necessary to track how you both feel on the daily? I just can’t imagine any guy loving the idea of being more of a case study than a boyfriend, especially when the app requires a code to see daily progress. Awkward.

All in all I rather be spending time with my guy than analyzing how we spend our time.

Can I get an amen? Would you use this? Of course I want to know.

XOXO,

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