My husband is a sensitive man, but out of the two of us let’s face it, I’m the emotional one 99.9% of the time. I cry at the end of movies, in the middle of a sweet song, when I’m overwhelmed with life and I have been known to cry “just because” from time to time. He knew what he signed up for when he married me and somehow he still followed through! With all that being said let’s be real, marriage is a full time gig. 24/7. 365. No weekends off. There are great days where you’re laughing while making a pizza in the kitchen and then there are tough days when your heart is breaking and it’s hard to make it off the couch.
Earlier this week we received news from one of my dearest friends in the world, news that I never dreamed I’d be hearing. Not from her. Not now. Suddenly I was having conversations with Chelsea about chemo and ports and scary things you never want to be talking about with your beautiful friend in her early thirties. It just doesn’t seem fair.
As expected, I’ve been a wreck all week. By yesterday morning, I had told my husband every detail as I knew it, questioned why this was happening and talked through a million ideas of how to help her through every step of the process. Taylor reminded me of so many, including my incredible cousin (!!!), who have beat cancer and encouraged me to breathe normally. There was nothing more to say that would help or change the way I was feeling or what was happening and he knew it, so he just held me and let me cry. We stood in the hallway for what felt like hours and he held me close while I cried and mumbled a prayer for healing for my beautiful friend. He didn’t say a word – he just held me while I let go. Sometimes marriage is simply about being present.
Last night I talked to Chelsea for hours, along with our other half, Ashley, who we conferenced in. We talked and talked about it all – the scary stuff and just life stuff. I’ve always known Chelsea was a tough cookie – we’ve been friends and lived together for the better part of my 20s – but she is approaching next level toughness these days. Her attitude is incredibly joyful and her courage is contagious and I know without a doubt God is going to carry her through this with grace. After we all said our goodbyes and I slipped into bed next to my sweet, half-asleep husband we prayed for complete healing for my beautiful friend, just as we had several times earlier that day and as we will continue to do. For the first time all day I felt at peace, and I knew everything would be alright.
Ladies, I hope you find a partner who will hold you and let you cry. Who will love you when you’re all dolled up and when your mascara is running down your face. Who will pray with you without ceasing, and who will love your best friends the way you love them. I am so incredibly thankful for a Godly husband who is my light and encouragement when I get so caught up in the whys and hows – the questions that don’t need to be answered because we’re not in control. I am eternally grateful for a husband that keeps reminding me God is faithful, my friend is a fighter, and we’re going to pray her through this. Together. xo